And now for something completely different...

I'm back! Yes, I'm still alive, just been dealing more with that pesky thing called real life just lately. Everything is good though, all fine and dandy really; just a little busy.

To the point in hand though...

The boys and girls over at LoveHoney are tomorrow launching a brand new product; the result of last year's design a sex toy competition. Lucky for me I happen to already have one in my possession - sent by the lovely Ruth to road test and review.

Now, I could tell you what it is and what it does.
I could tell you what I think of it, good and bad points.
I could show you a picture.

I'm not going to though. I'm just going to say it is a revolution in orgasms and you'll have to wait and see.

You can click here to learn more... don't say I'm not good to you!

I'm off to catch up on some stories I'm supposed to be writing. Sweet dreams lovelies ;) xx.

LoveHoney Silencer 2.oh... oh...oh!

Some time ago I suggested to the lovely people at LoveHoney that they should add their 'Silencer' super powerful vibe to their list of 'version 2.0' upgrades. See the thread in question here.

It would seem they liked the idea and I was told to keep an eye out - and I did; at least for a while but it eventually slipped my mind. That is until yesterday when I got an email from the lovely Ruth to say not only had it been made but one was on it's way to me for testing. Yeah!

This morning comes around and the postman duly drops it off to me. First impressions are GOOD people! This is going to be one brilliant toy. Watch this space for my full review once it has undergone through erm 'quality testing'. ;)

J xxx

Jack-Off-Anory!

This is brilliant! Jackanory has grown up.

Thanks to all at LoveHoney; especially Andy for the much needed giggles this afternoon.
Here is an excerpt of the winning story from LoveHoney's 2009 Erotic Writing Competition: 'Madam President' by Lily Harlem.

Toys and such...

Following some discussions over at the Orgasm Army at Lovehoney on subjects such as 'How many toys are too many?, I decided to have a sort through my collection. I took some pictures while I was there - as you do!

I adore my glass toys - and will go into this in more detail at a later date for those curious about them. I have a few; but there will be more added very soon *yay*

My treasured floggers and paddles. Although I must admit, the best implement at our disposal is definitely his hand. I do love him spanking me by hand.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I need putting in my place...

To quote a favourite line form a review I once read; "Anything will go anywhere with a bit of liquid silk" Yep, pretty much! Lubes, warming oils & massage oils. Not really sex toys - more like essentials I'd say:

~~~

So, that's the current collection. No doubt I'll be adding to it and modifying it. It's my little addiction :)

As Rizzo one said; "There are worse things I could do..."

xx

The London Sex Project.

Hello dear readers... I regret to say that the title of this post is perhaps misleading. It sounds a little like I am conducting some fun experiment or study into the sexual behaviour of our friends here in ole London Town. Sadly not, although I am sure it would be tremendous fun!

No, The London Sex Project is a porn DVD released by Joybear.

I was sent the 18 rated version of this to review. (R18 versions are available to view on the LSP site.)

Since I am not sure if/when the review will go live over at LoveHoney I have asked Ruth if I can publish it here; she said to go ahead so I shall!

Bear in mind I was reviewing the 18 rated film; a genre I'm not overly keen on to begin with but I tried to be fair in my review.

***

The London Sex Project by Joybear Pictures.

"The London Sex Project is a sexy, voyeuristic, spoof documentary featuring hardcore sex**. 6 out of 10 people have sex outside their relationship. Leading adult film producer, Joybear Pictures, has commissioned award-winning filmmaker, Oliver McDowell, to find out why.

London couples erotic stories in the London Sex Project. Featuring Tanya Tate, Danny Dong, Daria Glower and Kimberly Cox. "

- Joybear Pictures, LSP website.

**Once again this review focuses on the 18 rated version.

The pretext of this DVD is that five people - all with partners are allowing themselves to be filmed having sex with other people.

Some of them are in open relationships and some are not. The people they are being filmed with are 'supposedly' unaware of the cameras.

~~~

The cover is actually very tasteful - it's not tacky nor would it be intimidating to someone buying this kind of thing for the first time.

~~~

I have to admit, I usually prefer amateur porn, as it is more likely to turn me on as opposed to setting me off on a giggling fit at the wooden 'acting' and plastic stars. To me, a person really getting off is far hotter than a person blatantly faking - which is usually more comical than anything else.

Now, given the 'theme' of this DVD you would expect it to be more of an 'amateur' affair, but in several places the porn star fake moans were just laughable.

You rather get the feeling that it can't make up its mind what it wants to be. On one hand, you have the 'interviews' with the people beforehand, complete with shaking camera and visible sound equipment - all very convincing documentary style and fitting the pretext of the DVD.

Then once the sex starts it's suddenly all 'Miss Porn-Star' fake moaning to camera and both halves of the couple watching the cameras from the corner of their eye. Which is off-putting.

This is distracting and takes you 'out of the moment' a bit which rather defeats the point. It would be more enjoyable if it stuck with one or the other.

~~~

I'm not saying some of the scenes are not hot though; some of the couples really worked well together. Unfortunately the others were a bit of a letdown.

~~~

Suzie & Partner:

Fair enough, this is rated 18 not R18, but honestly, try to make it look real! These two didn't seem to have any real chemistry at all and wasn't a turn on whatsoever. Adding a collar and stockings does not make it an 'S&M' scene (or S&S as I am sure she said at the beginning - though I may have misheard). When it came to the actual sex, flashing a limp Larry less than two seconds before he supposedly enters her does not a believable scene make! Yes, it is tricky when you are trying not to show an erection but timing it better would not have been hard - if you'll excuse the pun.

I did have to giggle at her interview afterwards though. After shagging someone behind her partners back she explains;

'You just need to find the right partner and stick with them.'

Yes dear, bless your pretty little head!

I do hope she was being ironic.

~~~

Sue & Partner:

Now this was better, much better. My only complaint being that the sex was almost identical to the first couple - some variety would have been nice. Despite the cliché (husband away so housewife is banging the gardener) these two felt real - which is very sexy. They seemed very into one another which lets me get into it more and indulge my voyeuristic side. I liked these two a lot.

~~~

Oochay & Partner:

Again, this one felt a little more contrived; she arrives to 'rehearse' wearing practically nothing? Although to be fair, there as a good chemistry between the two of them. In fact the sex is so good that after a few minutes, I was starting to feel jealous of the blond despite thinking Oochay was a bit of a prat to start with.

~~~

Seb & Partner:

Well, again this one felt very contrived and fake, but who cares? These are two are really, really sexy together and Seb seems to have a sense of humour about it all which makes a change from the previous couples.

~~~

Jig & 'Partner'

Jig, oh Jig, you almost feel sorry for him.

While being interviewed prior to filming he is asked the name of the girl he's going to be filmed with. He is unable to do so and mutters some excuse.

All becomes clear when he answers the door to an over-dressed woman who asks

'are you Harry?'

His priceless reply being;

'erm, yeah!'

She then - without further ado - throws him onto the sofa. It would seem 'Harry' has decided/needed to hire a 'high class' call girl to be involved in the filming.

At the end he is asked whether he would do this again, to which he says he might. He's is then asked if it would be the same girl, to which he says

'erm, no',

only to be asked if she was not what he was expecting. His expression says it all.

This one was almost painful to watch and personally, not sexy at all.

Never mind Tom, Jig or Harry, whatever your name was!

~~~

While some scenes were undeniably hot - and I am sure other would enjoy it more, this just didn't really 'light any fires' for me I'm afraid. Yet it wasn't all bad. I just think there are far betters ones out there.

~~~

PROS: The idea is sound - and some of the couples worked well.

CONS: It just wasn't convincing enough - too many corny distractions.

BOTTOM LINE: It's not 'bad' as such, just didn't do it for me.

~~~~~

So there it is, my review of TLSP. No doubt I'll be back with more reviews and a better update later on. It is too early on a Sunday for much in the way of writing. It also doesn't help that D has abandoned me for a week at the Edinburgh Fringe - hear that Boy? You ABANDONED ME! ;) he he. I'm sure I'll survive.

Till the next time... x